United Nations Visit to Panem
by 1-1 Marines
Summary: The UN's...peacekeepers...make a visit to Panem. Bit of an AU. Rated for slight language and an utter lack of political correctness. OCs of ForFutureReference included; check his work out. Based off a Duffelblog article.


**ME: Time for a little dig at UN "peacekeeping" troops. A/N: Included are OCs of _ForFutureReference_ and this is based off a Duffelblog article. Also, I imagine that other nations exist besides Panem (it's stupid to assume Anglo North America would be the only place with survivors due to simple realism) but the National Government/Capitol refers to them as "barbarians" in propaganda to discourage emigration; think North Korea, but multiplied by one hundred.**

 **Panem National Gazette**

CAPITOL, NATION OF PANEM-The barbarian organization, the United Nations, has so far proven to be stunningly inept at its job of maintaining world peace ever since its established during the North American Era.

Nicknamed "the Blue Berets" for their blue helmets and berets, UN "peacekeeper" units have failed to do their job just like the politicians of the UN. For example, numerous proxy conflicts between the North Americans and the barbarian communist alliance, the Warsaw Pact (consisting of the barbarian Soviet Union and its barbarian puppet-states), raged during the Cold War after the UN was established, with many North Americans and allied barbarians dying as a result. That is not counting the Arab-Israeli conflict (that eventually ended in favor of the Israeli barbarians and their Arab allies; civilization triumphed over savagery in that instance), the ethnic cleansing of Kurdish barbarians by the barbarian Iraqi regime under Saddam Hussein, and the Third World War that was initiated by barbarian leader Czar (research by Panemanian historians proved that the "fair and democratic" elections of post-Soviet Russia tended to be rigged) Vladimir Putin of Russia. Oh, and the War on Terror that needed to be resolved by North American warriors instead of UN diplomats.

Now, however, in light of the temporary cease-fire between the Loyalists and the rebels led by rogue Mayor Alma Coin, UN "peacekeeper" units have been invited into Panem (of course, payments will be required or they will be either executed or used to supplement the Avox population) for training by either actual Peacekeepers (AKA Troops in White, Boys and Girls in White, etc), District Thirteen soldiers, or members of the Guardian Corps of the National Labs.

UN soldiers are taught a wide variety of subjects regardless of their instructing body; namely use of modern weaponry, using a radio, having balls (ironically, female instructors are frequently used just to get it across to mainly male UN troops), and driving combat vehicles.

"A key factor to success," said known traitor Gale Hawthorne, who was seen dressed in a District Thirteen military uniform, to UN students, "is rather loose ROE. Face it, war is hell. If you win, that's all that matters. History is written by the victors in the blood of the loser; it's simple."

Hawthorne then proceeded to whine about how fellow traitor Katniss Everdeen, AKA "the Mockingjay," has not had sex with him. Coin then decided to take over the lesson.

"In general," the rabble queen began, "I consider civilian supporters of the Capitol to be legitimate targets. If some idiots decide to take shelter in Fort Cheyenne and we can besiege it or at least offer a chance to surrender or evacuate the noncombatants, you better believe we'll bomb them without warning regardless of actual strategic necessity."

Major General Romulus Thread, Head Peacekeeper of the Peacemaking Brigade, advocated for a proper brand of ruthlessness.

"You should use the ROE used by North American police forces instead of the regulations currently in place by your forces," he told UN officers. "Face it, I watched _Hotel Rwanda_ ; you guys wouldn't last five minutes in District Six."

Thread then put on his helmet and polarized the visor, obscuring the Head Peacekeeper's face.

"You also need to command a presence. Those blue berets and even the helmets you guys wear just make you an easy target. Since my face is no longer visible, I am now part of an intimidating, unified fighting front."

Commander Porus, Commandant of the Guardian Corps of the National Labs, showed up in a GCCUU (Guardian Corps Combat Utility Uniform).

"Just so we're clear," Porus began (annoying, she has not contributed troops to the Loyalist war effort), "camouflage and low visibility insignia should be worn by any professional force. However, I'd definitely wear Peacekeeper or even Thirteener gear over your crap; face it, like British red, UN blue is about as subtle as a brick aimed at your face. Peacekeepers can at least hope to fight in an arctic environment in spite of wearing otherwise visible and hard-to-clean Loyalist White, while Thirteen Gray is cheap and honestly invisible compared to your berets and helmet."

It was most difficult, however, to instruct UN tropps on the use of modern weaponry. Head Peacekeeper Thread complained about how they were resistant to even mounting a bayonet on their rifles.

"I hear the idiots don't even keep their firearms loaded if they're armed!" He lamented. "Apparently fixing bayonets and keeping their weapons at REDCON-One would send the wrong message to civilians!"

The veteran officer of the Peacekeeping Force proceeded to utter a series of profanities that were edited out of this article for family friendliness.

His Panemanian Excellency, President Coriolanus Snow, laughed when asked by a rookie report of Panem National Gazette if he though the UN troops would have any chance.

"Rebels joke about how visible our Peacekeepers are!" His Excellency chuckled. "But they can fight! Think, the UN idiots are visible but can't shoot to save their lives! How long would they last in this war?"

 **ME: A/N: As you guys can see, I do not like Gale that much. Like Anakin and Luke Skywalker, he's kind of whiny (and like Anakin but unlike Luke, he has a high body count that makes Brutus look like a Boy Scout; particularly the amount of children he killed, even if it was unintentional in the case of Prim and the Capitol kids-he's still a war criminal just for his involvement in the design of the snare bomb, which violates the Geneva Conventions considering it was deliberately designed to target medics) and annoying.**

 **The Peacekeeper helmet visors (the ones from the _CF_ and _MJ_ adaptations, that is) being able to polarize (become opaque) and depolarize (become transparent) is a reference to the ODST helmets from Halo.**

 **Also, the UN is not a very impressive force in real life. It reminds one of the League of Nations. Seriously, how come they couldn't stop Hutus with machetes?**

 **And yeah, I made a tongue-in-cheek reference to controversial police tactics in modern America and Canada. Sue me.**


End file.
